Me go shop

I’m struck by how easy it is not to speak the language in a foreign country. You can pretty much live somewhere, anywhere, and get by with a couple of words, a bit of pointing, and miming skills. I guess ex-pats knows this. Oh no, am I an expat? Shit, I never liked the sound of idea of ex-pats. It always sounds like a deliberate apartness and conjures up images of Brits drinking Gin and Tonics on the verandah because they don’t want to talk to the natives, or the natives don’t want to talk to them. Maybe its some kind of imperial hangover. Anyway. Yes, you can buy things by plonking them on the counter, order a beer by…well saying ‘beer’, and buy a ticket for the underground by going to the counter and adopting a simultaneously pleading and confused look. Apparently some people are proud of not needing to try in a ‘I’ve lived here five years and don’t speak a word’ way. Well people are proud of all sorts of things I suppose: infidelity, profiting from others misery, mass murder etc.

 Obviously the way to actually learn the language shrug off laziness and er..like
try. But you need a strategy. I use Hungarian in shops of course, but you know how boring and repetitive ‘Kérek Szépen (can I please have) is? I yearn to ditch the kérek szépen in favour of something more,‘the rich colour of that kolbasz sausage is making me ravenous, I must simply purchase some forthwith’ but no ‘Kerek szepen ezt a kolbasz (cue encouraging/pleading look). And even if I could do that they’d just think me an idiot. So Kérek szépen is my catchphrase a little longer.

But where you really need a tactic is chatting to Hungarian speakers when you’re out at a bar or a party. They’re chatting away, you’re picking out the words you know,‘Ah! They just mentioned dog, and weekend!‘ but your problem is your contribution. Obviously you’re devastatingly witty and charming in your own language, but will sound like a cave-man in the new one (‘I go big hill walk’). So your options are to be lazy, miserable or stupid. Lazy is just to speak English and force everyone around who can to do so. Miserable is just to say nothing because you don’t want to contribute, for example, to the discussion of a new play with,‘I no see play“. So everyone thinks you’re just miserable. Stupid is to embrace the speaking badly, forget the vanity of proving yourself clever and just get stuck in, roll with the caveman, and speak bad Hungarian. It’s the best option, and one that will in time lead me out of the cave.