But no, although ‘the customer is always right’ might be a little vacuous (I mean what if the customer tells you they’re allowed to take the whole shop home free, or gives you next weeks lottery results?) there’s just something better about being friendly to other humans who come to buy what you’re selling. Sure, some customers will be arseholes, but most people just want a pleasant transaction with another person.

 And on top of that some shops here are just odd. They’ve thrown up a load of shopping malls in Budapest, brand-and-price heavy. When they’re pretty quiet, which seems to be often, they seem to have been built in hope more than expectation. An aspirational statement like a big advertising board ‘Look we’ve got Hugo Boss!!’. I went into T-mobile, and it was a shiny palace of 20 serving counters, and shiny new products. Only about four of the counters were manned, by the young and the bored. One bloke is smiley and stands out because of it. He’s kind of round and jolly and his name-tag says his name is Csabi. Which is cool, because it’s a jolly sounding name, and he disproves the generalisation.

 Obviously the way to actually learn the language shrug off laziness and er..like
try. But you need a strategy. I use Hungarian in shops of course, but you know how boring and repetitive ‘Kérek Szépen (can I please have) is? I yearn to ditch the kérek szépen in favour of something more,‘the rich colour of that kolbasz sausage is making me ravenous, I must simply purchase some forthwith’ but no ‘Kerek szepen ezt a kolbasz (cue encouraging/pleading look). And even if I could do that they’d just think me an idiot. So Kérek szépen is my catchphrase a little longer.

But where you really need a tactic is chatting to Hungarian speakers when you’re out at a bar or a party. They’re chatting away, you’re picking out the words you know,‘Ah! They just mentioned dog, and weekend!‘ but your problem is your contribution. Obviously you’re devastatingly witty and charming in your own language, but will sound like a cave-man in the new one (‘I go big hill walk’). So your options are to be lazy, miserable or stupid. Lazy is just to speak English and force everyone around who can to do so. Miserable is just to say nothing because you don’t want to contribute, for example, to the discussion of a new play with,‘I no see play“. So everyone thinks you’re just miserable. Stupid is to embrace the speaking badly, forget the vanity of proving yourself clever and just get stuck in, roll with the caveman, and speak bad Hungarian. It’s the best option, and one that will in time lead me out of the cave.

And it’s a curious thing the transformation of place to home. For example, when talking about places in Hungary i.e. home, Hungarians use a certain ending to words. When talking about any other place in the world it’s a different ending. Basically its I’m ‘on’ hungary, ‘on’ Budapest, whilst I’m ‘in’ London, ‘in’ Paris etc. My Hungarian teacher told me about Hungarian emigrants living in the USA, who adapted this notion of home, so over time the ones who came from Boston would say they’re ‘on’ Boston, ‘on’ Pittsburgh, but ‘in’ for everywhere else. The magyarocentric view transplanted with new roots.